


HOLDING HANDS IN TØYEN

by Marobah



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Even Bech Næsheim and Isak Valtersen Meet Differently, Alternate Universe - High School, Christmas, Christmas Party, Confident Even Bech Næsheim, Even Bech Næsheim Loves Isak Valtersen, First Christmas, First Love, Gay, High School, Isak Valtersen Loves Even Bech Næsheim, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Original Character(s), POV Even Bech Næsheim, POV Isak Valtersen, Pansexual Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27881701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marobah/pseuds/Marobah
Summary: Even returns to Oslo to spend Christmas, but he didn’t know that his father had plans to travel on business and drop him off at a new school. There he met Isak, who has always heard from his family that being gay was wrong and so he had no intention of getting out of the closet. Although Even's presence makes staying hidden more difficult than having the courage to come out.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim & Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 21
Kudos: 66





	1. Bor i Norge, nå

Even

My parents divorced when I was just 5 years old. From that time, I remembered that they were always arguing and my father would leave the room while my mother was still talking, which made her angrier. After the fighting started, it was a short time before the marriage ended.

My mother later told me that she realized that she was more interested in working and being successful in her profession than making dinner for my father every night while he was making money.

So, she left our house and started to work more and more. She sent applications to countless newspapers, to find a new job, until she received a proposal in London and we both moved from Oslo to the new city.

She said that the only traditional thing she loved was being my mother, and she would never regret having me and never ever leave me. Sometimes I think she repeated it so that I didn't feel like a burden or a mistake, just like her marriage. But I never thought that, I thought it was great that my mom pursued her dreams. Not everyone has the courage to abandon society's standards and be happy.

I tried to do the same, always being brave with my feelings.

And it is because of this that when we arrived in London, I went for all the opportunities that I thought would make me happy. Of course, as I was still a child, being brave with my feelings meant showing my colleague a new drawing trying not to worry about their judgment, or asking the teacher to let me answer a question, even if I wasn't sure I was right.

When I got older, I found things a little scarier to do, but as my heart asked, I knew I had to try. Like the first girl I kissed or the first time I tried pot and, I think my biggest act of courage, when I told mine mom that I didn't just like girls.

As soon as I told her she thought I was gay and was ashamed to say, and to tell the truth I also had my doubts, but even after being with the first boy that caught my attention, I was still very interested in girls.

At the beginning of the year I met a guy at a party. I didn't know him and then I learned that he was the brother of the owner of the house and that was why he was there. Rob was in his first year of college and was almost as tall as me, with dark hair and several muscles. I just couldn't stop looking at his body.

I started to flirt, it seemed instinctive to me. To tell you the truth, I had a lot of fun hitting on girls – in a polite way and without exceeding any limits, of course. And when I saw Rob, I knew I had to do something and I wanted to test my flirting skills with this wonderful boy.

I talked to him for a while without being able to take my eyes off those arms, I thought it was better than fixing on his thick lips, but I felt that I left my intentions pretty clear because in a few minutes we started kissing. He pushed his body against mine, until it leaned against the wall and I was able to run my hand through all those muscles, sighing a little too loudly when he bit my lip.

While he was catching his breath, he kissed me on the neck and rubbed my torso. My whole body felt some part of him and it was one of the most fascinating experiences I had and I never wanted it to end. When I was ready to take the second step, for the first time, with a boy, I heard my friend Alex calling me and looking scared at me.

“Are you gay, Even?”

He looked at me for a few seconds and I had to leave that extremely hot guy and talk to my friend, who luckily, even though he was surprised by the scene, didn't care that I was kissing a boy.

I explained to him that I had not planned for any of this to happen, but it was very likely that I was not straight. I waited for him to answer something sexist and/or homophobic, but my friend just asked me why I didn't tell him before, I shrugged saying that it was also news to me and that I was now telling him.

I stayed with Rob for 3 months. We were not exclusive, I wanted to go out, kiss other people and have new experiences, but Rob wanted to date, so we stopped hanging out and he went looking for someone who just wanted to be with him. Of course, I was sad and confused, until I met Lindsey and realized that I was not gay, that I liked the person regardless of the gender.

When I found the courage to tell my mother what happened, I already had several answers in my head and in my heart. I knew it wasn't a phase and that I wasn't gay.

So, that was my life until then. I am Even, I was born in Oslo, Norway and I live in London with my mother. I am 1.92 meters, 17 years old, with blue eyes and just came out of the closet as a pansexual.

I hadn't told my dad yet, and to tell you the truth, I didn't feel like doing it. We weren't very close to each other and I never told him a lot of my life during those years. He called me once a week and I updated him about school and the classes I was taking, but he almost always complained about his life to me, I listened and answered that he was right.

On the big holidays it was tradition that he would come to London and stay with me. I celebrated Christmas twice, with my father at the hotel and then with my mother, at home, surrounded by friends.

But, that year, at Christmas, my mother was going to travel to Latin America and she wanted me to stay with him. So, we celebrated in the first week of December, because the next week I would be in Oslo.

I disembarked in the city and had to wait a few minutes standing up looking for my father. As always, he was late to pick me up, and spent more time on his cell phone than talking to me. I wasn’t at all excited about all of this.

I was little when I left Oslo, but even then, my father and I weren’t close, he never had time to play with me and whenever I asked for attention his standard answer was that he needed to earn money to buy me new toys, but I just wanted his presence.

Now it doesn't matter anymore.

When he went to London to visit me, we did the same things: went for walks to see all the sights, had lunch at the restaurant he loved and then went to some expensive store so I could choose my gift, whether for birthday, Christmas or any other holidays.

I didn't know exactly what it would be like to be with him for so long, without having anything to talk about and not knowing what to do in the city, that I didn't recognized anymore. I did a little research before I came, I discovered Tøyen, where there were several paintings on the walls and I was crazy to go there and see.

When we arrived at my father's apartment in Bygdøy, I went online to find out what I could do nearby and where I could go. However, a few minutes later my father announced that we had plans for the night. He told me that we had to go to dinner at a fancy restaurant for me to meet his girlfriend.

He had been with this woman for some time and I didn't know anything about her, to tell the truth I knew very little about my father's life, in general. I had no intention of causing any problems on the first day and since I would be in the city for almost a month, I imagined that I still had time to wander the streets aimlessly.

“ _ Hvordan har du det på skolen? _ ” my father said as soon as we had ordered dinner and after he introduced me to his girlfriend, Hulda.

“Dad, I already told you, you have to speak English with me, I hardly remember Norwegian.”

“You should learn since you're going to be here.”

“I won’t be for a long time” I replied shrugging “and, not to mention that everyone speaks English all over the world.”

“But they won't talk at your school, dear.” Hulda replied and I was surprised by her sentence.

“What do you mean at my school? I'm going to stay a little while and I'm going to be with you, am I not, Dad?”

“So, I have a meeting in Bergen and I'm going to stay there for a few days, you better stay at school than walking around.”

“But I came here to be with you and you are going to drop me off at school and leave town?”

“Don't be dramatic, Even. You better study some more, soon you go to college, and no one has ever regretted being a nerd. Believe what I say.”

So, apparently, that was it. I was going to spend my trip to Oslo, after 12 years without coming to the city, inside school. If I could I would take a plane and run back to my house.


	2. Den Første Dagen i Resten av Livet Mitt

EVEN

The plan was, at least in my mind, to spend the month of December in Oslo, without classes and schedules, just seeing beautiful places, visiting museums, drawing and spending time with my father, but mainly without class! Of course, I knew that my father would not stop working just because I was there, but I thought that we would have time together or at least he would be in the same city as me.

I was very wrong; my travel plans had changed. Now I needed to face a new school, do school work and wake up in the morning in the cold. The winter in Oslo was much more severe than in London, and I realized that I hadn't brought the right clothes on Thursday morning when I went to class for the first time in the city since childhood.

On Tuesday, I arrived in the city and convinced my father that I was too tired to go to class Wednesday, however, I could no longer find excuses to stay in bed in the morning and Thursday I had to face school.

Actually, I wasn't worried about the new school itself, I was an outgoing guy and I liked to talk to everyone, the problem was that I didn't know how to speak Norwegian, I learned on Wednesday night to speak good morning - because I found it very easy and polite -, bread and water -  _ brød _ and  _ vann _ \- so as not to die of hunger and thirst, but that was it.

I was afraid to arrive talking with anybody in English and they didn't like it. To tell you the truth, I didn't think it was right to lean on that language and wait for everyone to speak it, I knew the cultural importance of languages. I should have been better prepared to spend Christmas with my father.

So, on Thursday, he dropped me off at the door of the school closest to his home, and explained how I was going to get back, which one was the right bus and all that. And then he was gone. My dad forgot to make sure that I was enrolled in high school, because I wasn't. Maybe, in his head he just needed to bring me here and the rest would solve itself – actually he was right, because everything was solved, one way or another, and he didn’t need to do anything.

I tried to communicate with a very nice old lady who did not speak a word in English, and with great difficulty I explained to her that I would only be in school for a month and my father had not enrolled me. After a lot of mime and help from the internet we managed to reach an agreement that I should sign some papers and be able to attend the classes.

After several classes that made no sense to me, as I could understand few or no words, it was time for the break. I needed to find a friend soon, I had never gone so long without talking to anyone, I was feeling kind of alone inside my head. So, I had two goals, to get a friend and something to eat, but I was not optimistic about either.

However, as soon as I entered the canteen, I noticed a gorgeous, blond boy with the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen. He was sitting at a table with other boys, all laughing and arguing about something in an excited way, the only thing I managed to focus on was those eyes.

Maybe I shouldn't have been standing around for so long just watching him, but I wasn't able to stop. And when he looked back at me, I felt like we were meeting again after a long time apart. He held his gaze for just a few seconds until he looked away, embarrassed and with his cheeks turning red.

I needed to learn Norwegian to talk to this wonderful boy and ask him if he might be interested in a person like me. Of course, I was getting ahead of myself, I didn't even know, at least, if he was into boys, but I really wished he were.

When I came back to reality, I asked for  _ brød _ to the lady in the canteen and looked for a place to sit. As soon as I had my tray, I found a table close to where the boy and his friends were sitting. Maybe it was a sign from the gods that I could spy and try to decipher what he was talking about?

I was more and more sorry for not even trying to learn Norwegian all these years. When I arrived in London, I wanted to make friends and talk to everyone and so I didn't even think about training my native language. But I regretted it, because at that moment I was so close to that boy and, even listening to what he was saying, I could hardly understand a word.

The bell rang and interrupted my decoding of what might be happening on his table. Everyone got up and left the canteen, but of course I was still looking at the boy, and like a miracle he looked back, just for a second, and then looked down at the floor, getting a little shy. I thought it was a good sign that he was looking at me like that.

I was a little apprehensive about spending all the classes alone and kinda lost, but in the end, a girl came to talk to me, Noora. She asked if I was the new student and after many hand gestures, we managed to reach an agreement and talked in English.

“I can't believe you're here in school and you don't speak the language. How will you understand the classes?”

“Actually, I'm only going to stay here until the end of the month. After Christmas I return to London.”

“How strange, Even. Why would you enroll in high school instead of visiting the city?”

“Ask my father that. He thought it would be easier to put me here than to spend time with me.” I said shrugging.

As we walked down the corridor, I saw that boy again and I couldn't hold back any longer, I needed to have some information about him.

“Noora, who is that boy?” I asked her pointing as discreetly as I could.

“It's Isak, why?”

"I saw him at the canteen today and, I don't know, I thought he was fucking handsome," he said, laughing.

“I don't want to discourage you, Even, but he's not gay.”

“He doesn't need to be gay, just non-straight is already good enough for me.” I tried to make a little joke to test the grounds and see if Noora was predujice, althought she didn't seem homophobic to me.

“If you want to try-out your suspicion, we will go out tonight to a bar and he will be there. What do you think?”

“I think you will be my best friend for years.” I said giving a wink to Noora.

She handed me her cell for me to put my number and explained how I would get to the bar that we were going to. The rest of the day I spent talking to Noora, we exchanged messages during classes and continued when I arrived at my dad's house. I already knew almost everything about her life and I told her about mine. I always loved meeting new people!

I knew I would be alone all afternoon, but I still didn't like the feeling of loneliness that entered my heart as soon as I opened the door. I thought it could be worse, if my dad's girlfriend was with me, I was going to have to be polite and talk to her, and I certainly didn't want to do that.

I did practically nothing until it was time to go to the bar with Noora and see Isak. I drew a little bit in the afternoon, but all I had in my mind was that pair of green eyes, I took my watercolor and tried to replicate the color.

An hour before, the time we agreed to be at the bar, I started to prepare, I changed clothes a few times wondering what my possible future love interest would think of how I was dressed. Maybe I had a lot of expectations for everything and everyone, but I wasn't going to change at that moment.

I made a video call with Noora and asked if I was handsome enough, and after laughing a lot at me and telling me I was already in love, she gave her opinion on what I was wearing. I decided to go with a black nirvana t-shirt, ripped jeans and boots. Yes, I was absolutely sure I was going to be cold. I picked up my biggest coat after putting on a lot of perfume and getting my hair up.

I didn't have the courage to take the bus to the bar, I was looking forward to my first hang out in Oslo, and I even managed to not think about Isak, for a few minutes. I just wanted to get to the bar as soon as possible. When the car parked, I saw Noora. She was beautiful with very soft makeup and red lipstick, as she was very pale, much more than me, whatever color she wore highlighted on her skin.

There I met Eva, who taught me how to say beer in Norwegian (øl), after explaining that it was an important word for our next outings. To tell you the truth, I was enjoying learning a new language.

After our second beer I saw Isak arriving and gave Noora a nudge, who just laughed at me.

She got up and hugged him, and said something that, I thought, it was about me, because after that he said hi to me in English and sat across from me. I greeted his friends and everyone started to speak English so that I could understand what was happening. From time to time I felt Isak's eyes on me, but whenever I looked back, he pretended he was paying attention to something else.

Perhaps my wish was coming true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are you thinking about the fanfic? hihihihi  
> send kudos and coments, come talk to me ❤️


	3. De blå øynene

ISAK

Eva arrived excitedly in the classroom that Thursday, apparently there was a handsome British guy in the office trying to register with Mrs. Ågot. It was just what I needed, a new very handsome man that I was going to have to pretend that it was just a guy. I didn't like meeting new people because I didn't always control my feelings, or, in fact, I had to control them, but I felt that my heart closed more and more when I suppressed my emotions.

My parents taught me that it was wrong to be gay, that these people wanted to destroy the traditional family and end moral values. I should have told them that family and values are always shifting and changing, it is a construction of a capitalist state that is only concerned with profit, private property and maintenance of patriarchy. But, being gay and hidden so inside the closet, I prefer to just say that they were right, and that way they would not suspect me.

I realized that I liked boys on the first day of school, when I was 5 years old and I saw a boy on the playground drawing. I wanted to hug him and hold his hand and tell him that he was handsome. I didn't have the courage, of course, and a while later he disappeared, but since then I knew that I was gay and according to my parents I was a sinner who was going to end everyone's family.

I didn't tell my friends either, I was very afraid of what might happen. When they made a homophobic joke, I laughed and agreed with the compliments they gave to the girls. I thought that in the future, when I went to college and left home, I could start thinking about boys, and for the time being I drank a lot at parties and tried not to focus on the kisses that I would have to give to girls.

So, I was very afraid to meet this new boy, mainly because I realized some time ago that Eva and I have the same tastes in men. All the guys she hooked up with or said were cute made me interested, especially my best friend Jonas. I didn't want to meet him, my false heterosexuality couldn't take it.

Apparently, the whole school was talking about him, a thousand theories came up, some were logical, like he moved to the city, others said that he was an illegitimate son of King Harold V. The only thing that seemed consensus was his beauty. Which was bad news for me.

In the lunch break I saw him in the canteen. I wished so much that he wouldn't attract me, but as soon as I walked through the door my eyes were fixed on him and when that wonderful guy looked back, I was so ashamed that he caught me looking at him, that had never happened before, I used to be discreet when I was checking up guys.

Jonas nudged me and said that the girls weren't going to pay attention to us anymore because of him and the only thing we could do was hope for him to be gay. Yeah, I sure was hoping he was.

I realized that the new boy sat next to us and I used all my power of concentration not to be lost in those blue eyes. I didn't hear anything that nobody said, I just shook my head and laughed when the others did. At least in a few minutes, I would be away from him. After the bell rang, I had, of course, to take a last look before leaving, maybe, I thought, he was not so handsome, it was just me who was idealizing.

However, the more I looked, the more I wanted to look. It wasn't going to be that easy to pretend I wasn't interested.

At night I saw him the moment I entered the bar. Noora told me and the guys that Even only spoke English and so that he could understand what was going on we couldn't talk in Norwegian. And then she looked at me and said that I wasn't supposed to complain or make any problematic comments – yes, I was that kind of person.

I sat in front of him, because I couldn't stay away and the more drunk I got the more I admired him. I studied those blue eyes, her perfect blonde hair, his plumb lips and how much I wanted to kiss it.

“Even, tell us the truth, what are you doing here?” Jonas asked him, I think neither of us was very focused on anything that was happening next to us because we jumped a little when my best friend called him.

“I was supposed to be spending time with my father, but he ran away from me, and went on a business’s trip in another city, sending me to school,” he said, rolling his eyes and making everyone laugh.

“Man, I don't understand parents, why do they decide to have children if they never want to be with us?”

“It's because you're insufferable, Jonas!” Eva said laughing a little. I was sure that until the end of the night the two would hook up, it was always like that, it seems like they break up just to get back together a week later. He just laughed and pretended to be insulted.

“I don't know why they do this; I just know that going to school ruined my plans to visit the city.” Even said.

“But you can still go out in the afternoon.” I said my first words of the night, without even realizing I was getting into the conversation, maybe I was already drunk.

“I can. Do you want to take me somewhere? I wanted to take a look at Tøyen, what do you think?”

The right answer would be no, it is very gay to agree to go out with a guy and take a walk on the streets. What would my friends think? I had no idea what people in school would say if they found out that I took Even to see the arts in Tøyen. I should have said no, for sure.

“I want to, of course.” I was really drunk.

“But, Isak, it can't be tomorrow, we have the party at my house, will you, Even?”

“I'm going! Someone just needs to tell me how to get there.”

The smile that Even gave as soon as Jonas invited him over to his house broke my heart, he was so excited and happy and incredibly beautiful. I needed to get out of there before I said something that I would regret.

I turned the rest of my beer over and stood up, saying that I was going to smoke outside. I needed to clear my head of those blue eyes for a while. In addition to having arranged to go out with him, I would still have to see him tomorrow. It was impossible to spend so much time at his side pretending that I felt nothing when I looked at him.

In fact, it was impossible to spend so much time at his side and not look at him.

I sat on a bench trying to calm my heart, until I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw a lighter in front of me.

“Do you need fire?”

I think the universe was laughing at me, I had no other option for what was happening. I looked into his eyes and he used the lighter to light his cigarette, then he did the same thing to his.

“I was born here; did you know that?” I just shook my head and kept looking at him, hoping he would talk more, because I wasn't confident of the things my brain would do if I opened my mouth. “Until I was five years old, I lived in the city, but I moved to London. And I don't know, coming back here now, after so long, it's strange, I miss it, but it's also everything so unknown.” I didn't answer anything, just kept looking at Even.

After a few seconds he seemed to be ashamed of what he said, I really should have answered something.

"Maybe I'm drunk," he shrugged, laughing a little.

“I have never left here; I can't wait to leave though.”

“Why?”

"To stay away from my family," I said, turning my face away from him.

“This is sad, why would you want to be alone?”

“Sometimes it's easier. Less relatives to disappoint.”

"I find it impossible for you to disappoint someone," he replied, squeezing my shoulder a little.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” He said while getting up. “shall we go in? I'm freezing.”

He followed me to the bar, and I managed to switch places with the Mags and sat as far away from Even as possible. I couldn't get carried away by that boy, I think it would be even more difficult to get over him that it was to get over Jonas, I just needed some space, a lot of.

Of course, I would still have to see him every day until he returned to his country, but at least then I would never have to think about him again.

I didn't go to class the other day and it was a good idea, because when I got on social media I saw that Even spent the break with the guys and they took a lot of photos and videos and kept posting on twitter and instagram, everything he and Jonas did. As good as my idea of getting away from him was, I was feeling something strange inside my chest, like I was wasting precious time running away from him.

I arrived two hours early to help Jonas with the party and ran into Even, who was dressed in black jeans with a white blouse and on top of an open flannel shirt with two big rings on his fingers. I had to look him up and down for a few seconds, he was too handsome.

It would not be easy to leave this party with my heterosexuality intact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are you guys thinking of the story? 💛


	4. Sannheten

ISAK

As soon as I got out of the trance of those blue eyes, I thought it would be best if I stayed as far away from Even as possible and so I ran into the kitchen and started organizing the drinks. Jonas told me that the two came home together after class and Even prepared jellies with vodka, in addition to making caipirinha, which was something his mother taught him after a trip to Brazil.

Our parties have never been this well thought out. We bought beer and vodka, and once we forgot the glasses, everybody expected very little from us, but we would certainly surprise them this time.

Even came up behind Jonas, put his hands on his shoulder, cracked a giant smile, came up close to his ear and asked if we were going to get drunk soon or not. I never thought I would be so jealous of something in my entire life. I was bothered both by Even's intimacy with my best friend and the fact that he did that to anyone that was not me.

We ate some vodka jellies and then I tried the caipirinha. As everything was so sweet, I didn't realize how drunk I was in the first hour of the party.

People had started to arrive, and I was on Jonas' side laughing at the things he was saying to the girls, but I kept following Even out of the corner of my eye. He was already friends with everyone and he hasn’t been in school for even a week.

I was feeling a little envy when I saw him being so free and outgoing around people he had just met. I wondered if I would do the same if I wasn't always so concerned with hiding that I liked boys. I was lost in my thoughts looking at Even when I heard Jonas whispering next to me:

“What do you think about him?”

I thought that I let it escaped some feelings that had started to manifest, I wanted to take all of them and keep deep down in my heart.

"I don't think anything," I said, shrugging.

“Seriously? He's a cool guy, you should go over there and talk to him, become a friend soon so that I won't have a heavy conscience of spending a lot of time with him.” Jonas said laughing and pushing me a little, making me start moving to where Even was.

I smiled when I was in front of him, but I didn't know what to do after that. Even came over to me, smiling too, and asked me to go to the kitchen with him to get some beers. I thought at least, away from everyone, I could look at Even without thinking that other people had discovered that I kept thinking about that mouth.

“I loved all your friends, Isak! I don't know how I'll be able to leave later. This trip is not at all what I had thought, but in a good way.” He told me after he got a beer and handed it to me.

“You make friends very easy, right?”

"I don't know," he said with a shrug, "maybe I like hearing the sound of my own voice." He laughed after saying that.

“Yeah, maybe. It is a little more difficult for me to open up to others.”

“Why?”

I don't know why I said that, and I didn't know how to carry on with the conversation after that sentence. Whenever Even was around I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I suddenly said things I had no intention of.

“I'm afraid of what they'll think. Of what everybody will think, actually.” I said looking anywhere but his eyes.

“But, Isak, your friends will not judge you on the things you say. If you can't be honest with your friends, who are you going to be with?”

“Do not know. Let's stop this conversation and get drunk, what do you think?” I said with a giggle and turned the beer a little, trying desperately to change the subject.

But it did not work.

Even took my arm when I was leaving the kitchen. I'll be more honest, he held me while I tried to escape that conversation. And it brought our bodies closer than we were before.

“Isak, I will never judge you. you can tell me whatever you want, okay?”

Isn’t possible to be rational with what happened, I will just count my actions. Even looked at me with love and understanding, his hand that was still on my arm lightly caressed as he spoke those words. And I, for some reason, took a step forward, making us even closer to each other.

Even lifted his hand from my arm, passing it over my shoulder and neck until it stopped there, stroking my jaw. I put my hands on his chest and thought that he should be absolutely sure that I was gay, and he would tell everyone what happened. I could deny it and say that the new boy was crazy, or I could disappear from school and finish studying at home.

It was clear that I wouldn't be able to get out of the kitchen without a reputation of a gay guy, no matter what I did. So, I decided to get even closer to him, raise my arms and put them around his neck and kissed him.

No, I shouldn't have done that, but I kissed him like I've never done with anyone else in my life. As soon as he opened his mouth, I deepened the kiss and lean my body to his. He ran his hands through my hair, then went down to my back and finally stopped at my waist.

I didn't want to stop kissing him to face reality, because I knew that the instant that happened, I couldn't go back to that bubble that we had created at that moment, but suddenly I heard Noora's laugh and jumped up backwards before she entered the kitchen.

As soon as she appeared, I thought it would be time for me to run.

I walked around the room picking up my sneakers and my coat and decided to go to Jonas’ garden. It was extremely cold there so no one was outside and I was able to rearrange my thoughts a little.

When we were younger Jonas and I kept running away from home. He always came to my rescue when my parents punished me for whatever nonsense they thought it was a sin. And sometimes we sneak out of his house, just to feel the illusion of independence, of not having to tell any adult what we were doing.

I knew all the ways to get out of that party without having to tell anyone. And the more I thought about it the more I thought it was a great idea. Jonas’ mother had a wall made of grass, I have no idea what it is called, and it was very easy to climb up and jump down.

As soon as I placed my foot in an open space of the wall and went to make the first step, I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I wished it were anyone in the universe except Even.

“Where are you going?” Even asked me with a sad face.

“Don't tell anyone about what happened, Even, please.” I answer very desperately.

“Of course! I will not do this to you, Isak.”

“Thanks.” I said and started to climb the wall again.

A few seconds after I had jumped to the ground, I saw that Even accompanied me.

“And now what? Where are we going?” he asked me and I just managed to laugh.

“Actually, I do not know. When Jonas has a party, I usually sleep at his house.”

“Want to sleep at my place?”

I shook my head really fast. If I kissed him like that in my best friend's kitchen with several people around, I didn't want to know what I would do if we were alone in a room.

“Okay, how about if we take a walk. I'm hungry, will you take me to eat something?”

“Yes! Do you like kebab?”

As we walked Even told me about his mother and her job, he explained that she was always traveling and seeing new places. After that he said he liked to draw and wanted to go to college in that area, but he still didn't know exactly what he wanted to do.

Almost arriving at the kebab place he mentioned that he was not very close to his father and he was very upset about having to come here for Christmas and be alone like that, but thankfully he found us. Finally, he said what his Christmas plans were if he were home. And as if it weren't great news, he told me, he was pansexual - I thought about researching it later - but hadn't told his father yet.

The more I heard Even talking the more I liked him, I wanted to know about his whole life, everything he told me seemed interesting. So, when it was my turn to talk about my life, I tried to make him talk about his stuff a little bit more.

“Isak, I meant it, I won't judge you, you can tell me anything.”

“I'm gay, Even. But nobody knows.

“All right, I keep your secret. Was I your first kiss with a boy?” I just shook my head in an affirmative way “I hope you liked it.” he said softly in my ear and I just laughed and gave him a little push.

After I told my biggest secret and was accepted like that, I felt much lighter, so much that I had the courage to say:

“I'm not sure yet, maybe I need to try it again in order to make a more appropriate criticism.” Even laughed at me and came close to me slowly, running his hand through my hair, and I realized how much I loved it when he did this, and then he kissed me.

We kissed until it was too cold and too late.

I went with Even to his father's house and then returned to Jonas’. There was no one else and everything was silent, I went in quietly and lay on the couch, the other day I would analyze what to say to my friend, for now I just wanted to enjoy the memory of everything that happened.


	5. Du er mitt største eventyr

EVEN

Isak kissed me! And it wasn't just once!

When we were on the street, under the snow he said he wasn’t sure if he liked kissing me or not, I didn't even have time to laugh and Isak had his arms around my neck again. I felt that because he was away from his friends, he was more relaxed, but he didn't move his arms at all. While I ventured myself feeling his body over all those clothes and rubbing his face and curls, he barely moved.

I stopped kissing him a few times to look at his face and see if everything was really okay or not, but as soon as I put some distance between us, Isak pulled me back close and I could only laugh before I obeyed him. I finally understood that he was comfortable with that, but only that.

I don't know how long we sat on that stool, but by the time I realized my legs were already freezing. I told Isak that we should go back to my home or Jonas’ house. He accompanied me to the door and I invited him to sleep there, but like the first time, he just shook his head, gave me one last kiss, and left.

When I locked the door, I realized that I hadn’t gotten his number. I sent a message to Noora asking for his cell phone, but I was discouraged that she might be awake or not drunk and answer me.

I went to sleep thinking about that night and how perfect everything was for me, I hoped it had been for Isak too.

On the weekend my father was at home. On Saturday, he took me to see the fjords, but as we were in the middle of nowhere, I couldn't send any messages to Isak. As much as I liked him - and I really did - I also wanted to enjoy the few moments with my father. I spent the day taking pictures of nature and talking to my dad and his girlfriend, who invited herself to the outing.

We arrived at night at home, frozen and doubting if it had been a good idea to do this kind of adventure in Norway's winter. I ran into the shower to take the hottest shower of my life, I didn't want to get sick and miss a day of school if you can believe that.

I sent a few messages to Isak on Sunday, but he didn't answer me. I tried not to think too hard about what it meant, but it was hard to get it out of my head for the second day in a row. I used to look at my cell phone every hour and analyze a way to talk to him without looking like I was desperate for attention.

In the meantime, my father had planned a simpler Sunday, we went to the movies and had dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. He told me that he would travel again on Monday and would try to get back as soon as possible because he wanted us to buy Christmas decorations, but I was not optimistic about it.

On Monday I went to Isak at school before the bell rang, I didn't have the heart to send another message after all the unanswered messages on Sunday. So, I thought it would be best if I waited until recess to talk to him or ask Jonas where he was.

I ended up distracting myself in the classroom, because of my new friends and I finally could talk and not pay attention to what was happening, as it was right to do in boring classes. I talked to Noora about drawings and colleges. Then Eva appeared and told us that she hooked up with Jonas on Friday and wanted him to ask her out properly, she had already given very clear hints about that.

Then Noora asked me where I had disappeared to at the end of the party and I just shrugged without knowing exactly what I could say, if I said I was with Isak, she would ask more questions, which I couldn't answer without outing Isak or without lying to my new friends. I changed subjects as fast – and as naturally – as I could, finally Eva told us more about her and Jonas.

During recess, we all went to Isak’s table, which, thankfully, was there.

I realized that he was a little tense when he saw me and did not talk to me properly. I don't know if anyone else noticed this. I was trying to analyze what could have happened to make him look like this, our Friday night had been very wonderful, and I hadn't told anyone about what we did, as much as I wanted everyone to know that I had kissed this wonderful boy.

After a few minutes, he got up and said that he had forgotten that the chemistry teacher had given him homework and he was going to the library to finish it before the bell rang. I didn't know if it was a hint for me to accompany him, but that's what I did.

“Isak, what happened? Is everything OK?” I asked as soon as I reached him in the hall.

“I don't know, it wasn't a good idea what we did Friday, Even. I can't be with boys, what if someone finds out?” he said with a very long sigh.

“Did you regret it?”

He just shook his head no, but his eyes were filled with water.

“But I wish I regretted it. I didn't want to be like this and like you.” The first tears fell and he walked away. I went after him, of course, he stopped as soon as he found an empty room.

"It doesn't matter if you like boys" I said, rubbing his face and wiping away the tears that kept falling.

“Yes, it does! My parents won't accept me if I continue like this, but now that I've kissed you, I don't want to go back to pretending I'm straight!”

I hugged Isak and let him cry a little in my arms.

“Isak, I think that maybe your parents won't accept it, but I'm sure Jonas, Eva and Noora will, they love you.”

Isak started to shake his head and said that I couldn't tell them.

“I won't tell, I just want you to think about opening up to your close friends, they love you the way you are, they know that I'm not straight and they don't care, why would they care about you that have been friends with them for more time?”

He just looked at me for a few minutes and hugged me again. Until he calmed down the signal had already rung, but we stayed for a while talking nonsense so that I could be sure he was well enough to go to class.

The rest of the day I spent talking to Isak by message to make sure he wasn't too sad. I thought that the thing said was getting into his head little by little. On Tuesday and Wednesday, we hang out with the guys, Isak was with me and Jonas all the time, but I thought he was not as tense as Monday.

Wednesday he arrived very excited by my side at the break and pulled me from the table.

“I have an idea! Why don't we skip class? Let's get out of here and go to Tøyen. You said you wanted me to take you, how about now?”

And, of course, I agreed right away!

I thought it was my favorite place in Norway, in several buildings we could see art, and as I already knew about some facts from the paintings that were there, I couldn't help myself and started to tell Isak.

We stopped in front of Munch's drawing. I told him it was inspired by the Scream’s painting and that's why they chose that name. When we passed Fadlabi's painting about the guy in the astronaut suit, I was able to tell him about racism in Norway and how the artist was an immigrant from Somalia and made that drawing, called 'The sky's the limit' on the playground to show children that everything is possible.

Halfway there he held my hand and it gave me more confidence to talk about the paintings and all the things that we were seeing. Isak was really paying attention to me and asking some questions about art.

I always loved to draw, only there was nobody to share it with, I showed my drawings to my friends, but they preferred to talk about other things. At that moment it was so good to tell him everything I knew about art, which was not much, but Isak seemed to like it.

When we got to a nearby cafe I started asking about his life and what he liked to do. Isak told me that he didn't understand anything about art, he just thought it was beautiful and liked to hear what I had to say, he preferred to study about things a little more concrete and with less subjective interpretations. He told me that he and Sana – some friends that I still didn’t know – always competed to see who got the highest marks in subjects like biology and physics.

I don't know how long we were at the cafe, but when the cold came, I asked Isak if he wanted to go to my house and, oddly enough, he said yes.


	6. Første steg

ISAK

I realized that we were alone at Even's house as soon as we arrived and I remembered that he had told me that his father traveled a lot that’s why he left him at school. I wasn't sure it was a good idea to be there, but it was too late to run, perhaps.

“What do you want to do, Isak?” he asked me when we entered his house and I widened my eyes thinking about what that really meant me being there for Even, I think I took too long to answer and then he suggested, “let's see a movie?”

I just shook my head without having the courage to say anything more. I didn't know, however, where he wanted to watch it, because as soon as I nodded, Even took my hand and led me to his room, pointed to the bed, and told me to be comfortable that he would get his notebook.

“How about something with a Christmas theme so we can get in the whole Christmas vibe?” I, again, just shook my head.

Even lay on his back on the bed, put the notebook on his side, and made me lie down on his chest. I was very tense with all that, but feeling Even calm breathing slowly when the Muppets started singing in the film made me less nervous, a little.

The more time passed the more I felt at ease in that situation.

It wasn't a love or sex movie, but for some reason, maybe because I was a 16-year-old boy who had never really kissed someone he liked, I started rubbing his chest and going up to his neck, kissing the part of his body that I reached in that position and just watching him and categorizing the sounds that Even made when I touched him.

I decided to kiss his neck and put my hand under the shirt as high as possible. Then I kissed him on the cheek and finally on his mouth. The first few times we kissed, I couldn't move as I would have liked to do it, because I was listening, in the back of my brain, to my parents' voice saying that it was wrong, but this time, I only heard Even.

The more I kissed him, the more certain I was being with a boy, with Even. Somehow, we just made everything seem normal. Or maybe it was normal and my head that had lied to me all these years.

I raised my hand a little more so that he would take the hint and take the rest of his shirt off, and when he sat to do it I removed mine too. I lay on top of him and felt his chest on mine, that feeling was better than anything I've ever done with a girl. In addition to being horny with all that, I felt at home, as if I had finally come back from a long and confusing trip.

After a few moments I felt Even getting as hard as I was, but the next step I didn't know how to take – or even if I should do it.

I was pressing my hips on top of him and feeling that my heart started to race and I was becoming breathless. It was difficult to concentrate on anything but Even at that moment, and maybe because of that I, although full of uncertainty, ran my hand over his pants and started to open them.

“Are you sure?” Even asked me and I just shook my head no and laughed a little.

“Not at all, but can we try?” He nodded and kissed me while helping me take off his pants and mine.

As soon as we were in our underwear, I heard the noise of the entrance door opening and closing, but I didn't have enough focus to analyze what that noise meant, though I should have done it!

“Even! What are you doing?” yes, that was Even's father yelling at him. “Don't let the boy get on top of you like that!”

And in that moment I jumped out of bed reaching for my clothes. And trying to get out of there as soon as possible. I heard Even calling my name and I also heard his father saying that "his son could not do that" and that "they would think he was gay, if one day another boy wants to lie on top of him, he could not let him!" And it was with those last words I heard when I closed the door to Even's house and started the long way to my home.

I received several messages from Even apologizing, saying that I was not supposed to listen to what his father had said, explaining how much he likes me and what we did and there was nothing wrong if I liked him and what it had just happened.

Then I got even more messages. Even said he told his father that he was not straight and after a lot of shouting and cursing from his mother, his father finally understood and accepted - in his own way. And if I gave Even one more chance and came back to his house, I wouldn't hear any bad thing again. Getting back there, however, was really not in my plans.

Finally, he sent a heart emoji and said that the best thing about the trip was getting to know me. I responded with another heart and explained that I needed some time. I knew none of this was his fault and it wouldn't be fair to leave him worried with no answer, but I wanted a space to think about what had happened.

I wanted to be brave like Even, all of his problems he just faced. If my parents had seen the scene that his father saw, for sure, things would not have resolved so easily. As I walked towards my house, I thought about how much I wanted to say to someone that I like boys and explain that if I never kissed another girl in my life it would still be a lot.

I was a little thoughtful, my head asked questions like: what would my parents say with such a statement? What was the reaction of Even's mother when he explained his feelings towards people? The first question I didn't want to imagine the answer to, but the second, I thought she should have hugged him and said she loves him.

I don't remember the last time my parents said nice things to me, in general, I always prefer to avoid them than find new traumas for me, and to tell you the truth it's not that difficult.

When I was in front of the kebab place that I went with Even, I remembered what he said that even if my family didn't accept it, my friends would do it. And I decided to send a message to Jonas asking where he was. After he answered me, I went to his house with a little courage to tell him that I didn't like any of the girls he had hooked me up with.

I jumped over the wall and knocked on the glass door that led to his living room - I know it's not very normal to do that, but it was what we were used to all along.

“Hey, dude, hva skjer? Where did you go in the middle of the class?”

“I went out with Even, I took him to see Tøyen, he hasn't stopped talking about it since he got here” I said with a chuckle.

“Yes, I remember you made plans. He liked it?”

I shrugged and said I thought so.

It was being more difficult than I imagined telling Jonas what was going on inside my heart. He was watching television when I arrived and continued while I was analyzing how I was going to start talking.

“Jonas ... Can you turn off the TV a bit? I want to tell you something.” I waited until he gave me his full attention and said, eventually, “I like Even.”

“Me too, he is a very good guy, right? We should do something before he leaves.”

“No. I mean, yes, we should. But I don't like it as you do, or, I think so. Jonas, I really like him, the way you like Eva.”

“Do you think I show that I like Eva? I wanted to be a little more mysterious and wait for her to come to me, but I don't know.”

“Jonas! Pay attention to what I'm saying. I'm gay for Even.”

This was not exactly how I wanted my sentence to come out, and when I finished saying it I started to laugh, and soon after Jonas also laughed a little at me.

“I understand, Isak. It's just that I was absolutely sure you were gay and when Even arrived I thought you were finally going to tell me that you liked boys” he said with a shrug “it wasn't a big surprise for me.”

“And you don't care?”

“Of course not, what difference does it make to me if you want to kiss guys instead of girls?”

“Then why did you push me to hook up with all of those girls?” Said angrily to Jonas.

“I thought I would get you to come out of the closet sooner.” he said, rubbing his neck “Then I found out that we can't push people out of the closet and I stopped. I know what your parents are like, I wanted you to tell me not to feel so suffocated, I don't know if it was a good idea.”

“Yes, it was! Thank you, Jonas.”

Before I could analyze whether I could hug him without him thinking I was too gay, Jonas came by putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close, we stayed like that for a few seconds.

When he released me, he said that I had to tell him everything that happened between Even and me and then we would watch Will and Grace for me to learn more about gay culture. I gave him a little push laughing at his sentence and started telling.

I still didn't have the courage to tell my parents, and maybe I would never have, but it was good to know that at least my best friend was at my side.


	7. Min kanskje fremtidige kjæreste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my idea was to do a short story and it would end in the next chapter, but I kind of want to write a little bit more, what do you guys think?   
> tell me later 💛

ISAK

I spent the night at Jonas' house. We saw some series and then he told me about how things were going with Eva and that he was going to ask her out for a special dinner the next day, he thought about even making something for them to eat instead of ordering pizza and then asking if she wanted to be his girlfriend again.

Before going to sleep I sent a message to Even saying that everything was fine and that he was right, my best friend didn't mind me being gay and my heart was lighter.

The plan was to sleep, but when I started talking to Even I couldn’t stop. We were scheduling what we were going to do in the next few days. Even wanted to spend as much time as possible with me and our friends – he gave up trying to be friends with his father after what happened – we decided to have one last party on the Christmas holidays.

Before saying goodbye, he told me that his father wanted to buy some decorations and asked if I would like to help them decorate the house.

At my house we celebrated Christmas, of course, except that we focused on the religious part of everything, we went to mass and prayed a lot. We didn't exchange gifts and we didn't have a decorated tree. So, when Even invited me I agreed immediately, I just asked if his dad would be with us and that I would prefer if he wasn't.

The rest of the week went by smoothly.

I still didn't have the courage to tell anyone else that I was gay, but when it was just me and Even, or me, Even and Jonas, it was simple and I felt more comfortable holding Even's hand or looking at him without hiding, and once I even kissed him on the cheek, but I was embarrassed afterward, which made them both laugh at me.

I didn't have to pretend that I was someone else and that I had other interests. It was just me talking to Even, telling him about my plans for the future, my likes and dreams – and, of course, Jonas, sometimes laughing by my side.

Until the end of the week Even and I didn’t find a place to be alone. His father was in town and it was impossible for us to go to my house. We kissed just a little bit between classes when I found somewhere at school without anybody and any possibility of being seen.

On Thursday we went to a coffee shop, had hot chocolate, and Even would not let go of my hand, looking at me as if I were the most wonderful person he had ever seen. We spent the afternoon as boyfriends. Once while I stole some kisses from him.

Even told me that that day, after I left, he had to tell his father that he liked boys and girls, and his father didn't accept it as he should – a typical act of fathers, by the way, I just don't understand why. His father said that he was not going to let Even be like that and that he was never supposed to see me again because I was the one who made him gay. I couldn't help but laugh when Even told me that part.

Then he explained to his father that no one would or would not make him like all genders and if he never wanted to talk to Even again it wouldn't make much difference, as the two hardly communicated. Finally, Even yell at his father that they were both in the same city, and yet he was making excuses to stay away from his son.

The shouting continued for some time until Even sent a message to his mother telling her about the things his father was saying and as soon as she called and talked to his father, things went quiet very quickly. His father said he would try harder to understand and listen to Even, but that I couldn't lie on top of him with the door closed.

“Were you glad to have told your father?” I asked as soon as Even finished telling me everything I missed on Wednesday.

“I was, at first I thought I didn't need him to know, because, really, we are not friends, you know, but then I was feeling increasingly lighter with the truth. I think that being my father, even if I don't talk to him that much, it's important to me that he knows, right?”

“Do not know.” I replied with a shrug. “I will never tell my parents that I like you.”

“Maybe one day you can do it. People change, Isak, now it may not be a good idea to tell, but who knows in a few years?”

“Yeah, maybe in a few years. It doesn’t matter. Tell me what we will do this weekend?”

“I don't know, do you want to go to my house to watch a movie and decorate the tree?”

We called everyone to help decorate and watch movies with lots of pizza. Even's father had to travel on Friday and would only return on Sunday, but because of me, his girlfriend stayed behind to make sure no one would have sex with his son. So, on Friday, we behaved.

Finally, I decorated a Christmas tree, Vilde and I chose the colors for the Christmas’ balls, placed lights all over the house, and when it was time to put the star on top of the tree, Even said it was for us to do it together. I didn't accept it, I was afraid of what others would think, and then, he let me do it myself, and it was all wonderful. With everything organized we did a Die Hard marathon, which Jonas understood as being the best Christmas movie ever.

On Saturday, Even managed to get his dad's girlfriend out of the house and we celebrated the last weekend before Christmas. While there was an entire party going on outside, Even and I were in his room.

“I don't want you to leave after Christmas, Even.” I said when we were lying in bed, just talking.

“I know, I don't want to go either, but I can't live here with my father.” he replied holding me in his arms.

“What are we going to do?”

“Until the time I get on the plane we will have fun, every second.” he replied, giving a kiss on my forehead, “and then, we think about something, I don't want to let go of your hand.”

Even always knew the right words to say to me, and this time was no different. I hugged him a little more with my face on his neck, until I couldn't resist anymore and started kissing him.

Before I kissed him on the mouth, I had to make a joke that his dad didn't want me to stay on top of him anymore, and in two seconds Even had already made me lie on my back and he was in the middle of my legs. He kissed me slowly as if he was trying to savor that moment.

Then down to my neck and he slowly lifted the hem of my shirt until I, without much patience, pulled it up and removed it, then I removed his too. Even kissed my chest and was lowering himself on my body until he stopped at the button on my pants, he looked at my face and waited for me to consent, I just opened the button and let him remove the pants.

It wasn't in my plans to lose my virginity that night, and in fact, that wasn't what happened. Neither of us knew what we were doing, so we thought it would be a better idea to slow down. But that doesn't mean we didn't do other things.

Even kissed my entire body and passed his hands on my chest, lowering until he put them on top of my underwear. He stopped there without doing anything, making me want to cry with how horny I was.

“Can I touch you, Isak?”, I shook my head saying yes. And then he firmly touches me making me moan a little. I had never felt another boy touch me like this, of course, and with the girls, nothing really happened down there.

After a while he touched me under my underwear, I hugged him and tried to kiss him, but I wasn’t able to do anything properly anymore.

“Isak, I want to taste you, can I?” I just looked at his face and tried to understand what he was saying exactly, it wasn’t that I was a prude, it was just a lot of things happening. I think that my confusion was written on my face, so he stopped moving his hand laughing a little bit, and said in my year, “I want to go down on you if you want to”

I hum a yes and he lowered himself and took me in his mouth, I didn’t last at all! But he didn’t seem to mind.

When it was my turn to discover his body, I only had the guts to put my hands on his dick and fell all off him as I moved my hand up and down. We kissed while I did this, and he said cute nonsense in my ear until he also climaxed and made a mess in my hand.

After cleaning up we had to catch our breath and ended up sleeping.


	8. Juleønsket mitt

EVEN

I couldn’t think of a reality without Isak. Before, I wanted to run back to my house, to my friends, and mainly go far away from my father, but now, it felt like I was home.

After Isak slept with me in my bed on Saturday, I was absolutely sure that leaving would be more difficult than I have ever imagined. While I was in Oslo I didn't want to analyze the return to London and what we were going to do about staying together in some way. If he asked me to have a distance relationship, I would accept it on the spot, even though I was absolutely sure it wouldn’t be a good idea.

Until I really got on the plane it was better to enjoy the present and worry about the future afterwards. I don't know if that was the most mature idea in the world, it was just the best I could do under those circumstances.

On Sunday, I spent the morning tidying up the house, and after Isak woke up, much later than I did, we had breakfast together and I called an uber to take him to his house. At lunchtime my father came and called Hulda to stay with us watching movies at home.He didn't even notice that we had already decorated the house, and he only said something when his girlfriend said that it was beautifully decorated.

Of course, I spent the afternoon on my cell phone talking to Isak and the group we had created to organize parties. Noora and Jonas had planned to have one last party for me before Christmas, but my father, who spent all these days running from me, thought it was time for us to be together and as a family.

“Did you come here to see me or talk to your friends?” he said, angrily raising his voice, after he realized that I wasn't paying attention to anything but my cell phone.

“I can ask you the same thing, dad. Since I got here you only cared about going to work, why now do you pretend to be a good father and care?”

“I always cared! We always talk, Even, I know everything that happens in your life, don't make me a villain just because I didn't want you to be a f**!”

“Dear! Don’t talk like that.” Hulda was horrified by the word.

I never liked fights and arguments, I think few people really do. I always preferred to let ugly words just disappear into the universe and distance myself from whoever spoke them, but that seemed impossible when it came to my father, it was the second time that I was nervous with him.

“Dad, to start, never speak that word again, okay? Say gay. And you know that I'm pansexual.”

“There is no such thing, Even, it is fashionable for young people to invent different things.” he speaks by waving his hand as if it were something insignificant.

After that I got up and said I was going to sleep. I stayed in my room drawing and thinking about Isak. It was impossible to stay in Oslo with my father and listen to that kind of thing, but worse than that, I immediately thought about what Isak's invisibility must be like in front of his parents.

Being pansexual, for me, was just a characteristic, not being the most or least important thing that composed me, I think if I were to put it in order, I would say that being an artist is what I find most significant in me. 

However, I would never like to hide, ever. I saw that disguising the feelings was something that Isak did from the start when he ran away from me or became tense by my side and I knew that was a routine attitude for him and nobody deserved it. 

On Monday everyone skipped class, but I couldn't stay in my room for another second and so I went to Jonas' house early, after I told my dad that I was going to the party that my friends were having for me and we started to argue again. I thought it would be a good idea to enjoy my new friends until it was time for me to leave.

“What’s up, Even?” Jonas said, giving me a hug.

“So, I know it's kinda early, but I had to stay away from my father.”

“I understand, Even. Here is a haven for the children of crazy parents, Isak always comes here too when things get tough over at his house, my mother doesn’t even care anymore.”

“It happens a lot?” I couldn't help myself and asked him, while I sat on the sofa in the living room.

“More or less. Before, he argued with his parents a lot because of the things they said, but it was worse, much worse. Now he just stays away.”

“It seems to be a very sad way of handling things, hiding inside your own house like that.”

“Yeah, but we only have a little bit until we finish school and then he will go to college in another city, you know how smart he is, he will pass anywhere.”

"That's true," I say with a smile, "but it doesn't make it any less sad."

Jonas' phone beeped and we changed the subject. It was Eva texting about the party. He told me that he had made her dinner, and they were talking about getting back together, but Eva said that he should still make up for all the stupid things he did when the two were together last year and only then would she accept being his girlfriend. We started talking about it and I tried to help you with some ideas.

When it was late afternoon, Isak arrived and the three of us started thinking about what we would do the next day to celebrate Christmas early. Luckily, I had already made a perfect gift for Isak and I didn't need to worry about it. Jonas was going to buy alcohol and I was going to prepare them; we sent a text to the group to inform them of our plans.

As everything was already planned Jonas and Isak started playing video games while I watched. Little by little Isak came close to me, until I pulled him down to sit between my legs, leaning his back against my chest. In the first few seconds he was very shy, but as Jonas said nothing, he calmed down.

They were still playing when Noora came through the glass door to the living room, very angry with Jonas, and made Isak tense in my arms.

“Eva texted me and told me your plans. I don’t believe that the only thing you will have at this party are drinks, Jonas” Noora said and then stopped a little and looked at me and Isak, “is this how you are going to celebrate the last party with Even? He will never come back here if you do that!”

“What do you want us to do, Noora?” Jonas said trying to please her, getting up and going to her.

“Didn't she see me?” Isak asked very quietly in my ear.

“I think she didn't care what she saw” I replied and got in return a very big smile.

On Tuesday we had the party at Jonas's house, of course. Noora took some cupcakes and we had to go with Christmas sweaters. Luckily Jonas lent me one, because I was about to be barred from the party by Vilde. Apparently the girls arrived early and decorated everything with lights throughout the house, Isak was delighted with what they had done, he was always pointing and showing me something.

The event was much smaller than the others, but I didn't care, because I felt that I was surrounded by people who loved me and Isak, who sometimes came up to me and hugged and kissed me, when there was no one around.

I stole a pecker when Vilde was passing by. She questioned us wanting us to tell her everything and then she still got mad at me for not giving her a chance before I fell in love with Isak. I could only laugh at the jealous face of my maybe future boyfriend.

“Even, nobody really cares” Isak told me when we were alone in the kitchen holding each other.

“What are we talking about, Issy?” I answered and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“About us, or about me, nobody cares that I like you.” He spoke happily turning to me and putting his arms around my neck.

“I told you” I gave him a smile and ran my hand through his curls. “It was my Christmas wish for you, Isak. May you not be afraid to tell your friends who you really are.”

Isak gave me a giant kiss after what I said.

“Thanks, Ev, for helping me come out of the closet, and holding my hand through it. Now everything is much easier. And when I’ll need to run away from home, I have more places to go” he said with a sad laugh.

“Yeah, about that, Isak, I was thinking about. It is not good to live in a place where you are not accepted for who you are, if you are sure that your parents will not accept you, how about you go to London with me? Finishing school there, and then you go to college in the city you want. What do you think, do you want to come home with me?”

We never know anything about the future. 

I had no idea what Isak would answer, and I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea or not to take him to London, but just seeing his eyes sparkle with the possibility, I thought I had done something right. But regardless of what happened next, one thing I was sure of, the Christmas I spent in Oslo and met Isak will always be my favorite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s the end you guys  
> I hope you like it, it was really fun for me to write it hihihihi 💛
> 
> I’m thinking of doing another one soon, so keep looking at me haahahah 👀

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This is my first Evak fanfic, I hope you like ❤️  
> English is not my first language, so any mistakes please pretend it didn't happend! hahahaha
> 
> my twitter is @deterEven come talk to me


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